Thursday, December 24, 2009
Twas the night before Christmas when all through the house,
I searched for the tools to hand to my spouse,
Instructions were studied and we were inspired,
in hopes we could manage "Some Assembly Required."
The children were quiet (not asleep) in their beds,
while Dad and I faced the evening with dread:
A kitchen, two bikes, Barbie's town house to boot!
And, thanks to Grandpa, a train with a toot!
We opened the boxes, my heart skipped a beat
"let no parts be missing or parts incomplete!"
Too late for last-minute returns or replacement;
if we can't get it right, it goes in the basement!
When what to my worrying eyes should appear
but 50 sheets of directions, concise, but not clear,
With each part numbered and every slot named,
so if we failed, only we could be blamed.
More rapid than eagles the parts then fell out,
all over the carpet they were scattered about.
"Now bolt it! Now twist it! Attach it right there!
Slide on the seats, and staple the stair!
"Hammer the shelves, and nail to the stand."
"Honey," said hubby, "you just glued my hand."
And then in a twinkling, I knew for a fact,
that all the toy dealers had indeed made a pact ,
to keep parents busy all Christmas Eve night,
with "assembly required" till morning's first light.
We spoke not a word, but kept bent at our work,
till our eyes, they went bleary; our fingers all hurt.
The coffee went cold and the night, it wore thin,
before we attached the last rod and last pin.
Then laying the tools away in the chest,
we fell into bed for a well-deserved rest.
But I said to my husband just before I passed out,
"This will be the best Christmas, without any doubt.
Tomorrow we'll cheer, let the holiday ring,
and not have to run to the store for a thing!
We did it! We did it! The toys are all set
for the perfect, most perfect, Christmas, I bet!"
Then off to dreamland and sweet repose,
I gratefully went, though I suppose,
there's something to say for those self-deluded,
I'd forgotten that BATTERIES are never included!
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
BUDAPEST, Hungary - Talk about a reversal of fortunes.
Two brothers who are so poor they live in a cave on the outskirts of Budapest and get by selling scavenged junk are in line to receive a $6.6 billion inheritance from a long-lost grandmother, the U.K. Daily Telegraph reports.
Zsolt and Geza Peladi have been informed that they are entitled to the fortune, along with a sister who lives in the United States, the newspaper reported Wednesday.
Charity workers in Hungary passed on the good news to the brothers after being contacted by lawyers handling the estate of their maternal grandmother, who died recently in Baden-Wurttemberg, Germany, the Telegraph said.
“We knew our mother came from a wealthy family but she was a difficult person and severed ties with them, and then later abandoned us and we lost touch with her and our father until she eventually died,” Geza Peladi, 43, was quoted as saying by ATV television in Hungary.
“If this all works out it will certainly make up for the life we have had until now — all we really had was each other — no women would look at us living in a cave,” said Geza Peladi.
“But with money, maybe we can find a partner and finally have a normal life. We don’t know yet if she even told our grandmother about us. I understand it was only while they were carrying out genealogical research that lawyers found we existed.”
Under German law, direct descendants are automatically entitled to a share of any estate. As the grandmother’s daughter is dead, the money goes to her grandchildren.
The brothers said they are trying to track down their mother's death certificate to prove relation to their grandmother before traveling to Germany to claim the fortune.
The newspaper report didn’t say how the grandmother, whose name was not made public, amassed the fortune.
Monday, December 7, 2009
Only in America...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance...
Only in America...are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink...
Only in America...do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get a prescription while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in America...do people order double cheese burgers, a large fry, and a diet coke...
Only in America...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters...
Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and leave useless junk in the garage...
Only in America...do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place...