On the Light Side..

~ On the lighter side ~

One day my mother was out and my dad was looking after me.


I was maybe 2 1/2 years old and had just recovered from a bad cold. Someone had given me a little tea set as a get-well gift and it was one of my favorite toys.

Dad was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought Daddy a little cup of "tea," which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such good tea, my mom came home.

Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea. ("It's just the cutest thing!") My mom waited and sure enough, I came down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy. She watched him drink it, then said (as only a mother would)..."Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is from the toilet?"

(true? I don't know...this was a recent e-mail !

The Night Before Christmas - A Parent's Perspective

Twas the night before Christmas when all through the house,

I searched for the tools to hand to my spouse,

Instructions were studied and we were inspired,

in hopes we could manage "Some Assembly Required."



The children were quiet (not asleep) in their beds,

while Dad and I faced the evening with dread:

A kitchen, two bikes, Barbie's town house to boot!

And, thanks to Grandpa, a train with a toot!



We opened the boxes, my heart skipped a beat

"let no parts be missing or parts incomplete!"

Too late for last-minute returns or replacement;

if we can't get it right, it goes in the basement!



When what to my worrying eyes should appear

but 50 sheets of directions, concise, but not clear,

With each part numbered and every slot named,

so if we failed, only we could be blamed.



More rapid than eagles the parts then fell out,

all over the carpet they were scattered about.

"Now bolt it! Now twist it! Attach it right there!

Slide on the seats, and staple the stair!

"Hammer the shelves, and nail to the stand."

"Honey," said hubby, "you just glued my hand."



And then in a twinkling, I knew for a fact,

that all the toy dealers had indeed made a pact ,

to keep parents busy all Christmas Eve night,

with "assembly required" till morning's first light.



We spoke not a word, but kept bent at our work,

till our eyes, they went bleary; our fingers all hurt.

The coffee went cold and the night, it wore thin,

before we attached the last rod and last pin.



Then laying the tools away in the chest,

we fell into bed for a well-deserved rest.

But I said to my husband just before I passed out,

"This will be the best Christmas, without any doubt.



Tomorrow we'll cheer, let the holiday ring,

and not have to run to the store for a thing!

We did it! We did it! The toys are all set

for the perfect, most perfect, Christmas, I bet!"



Then off to dreamland and sweet repose,

I gratefully went, though I suppose,

there's something to say for those self-deluded,

I'd forgotten that BATTERIES are never included!

~ WORDS FOR LIFE'S JOURNEY ~

Going to church doesn't make you a christian

anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter is not a nice person.

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

Eat well; stay fit; die anyway.

No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.

And never under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night !

~ Over the teacup...

One day a mother was explaining to her young son that you should never tell a lie. She told him that God saw everything and heard everything.

She explained, "Even though your father and I may not know if you are telling a lie God will know."

The young son replied, "But will He tell?"

 

****************

Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement --not even her parent's nasty divorce. Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear and would be the best dressed mother- of-the-bride ever!

A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new young wife had bought the exact same dress! Jennifer asked her to exchange it, but she refused. Absolutely not, I look like a million bucks in this dress and I'm wearing it, she replied.
Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, “Never mind sweetheart. I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day.”
A few days later, they went shopping and did find another gorgeous dress.

When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, “Aren't you going to return the other dress? You really don't have another occasion where you could wear it.
Her mother just smiled and replied, 'Of course I do, dear. I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding.'


NOW I ASK YOU - IS THERE A WOMAN OUT THERE, ANYWHERE, WHO WOULDN'T ENJOY THIS STORY?

Hope all of you have a GREAT day....

~ Wordless wednesday ~

Talk about an unsafe combination....!!!

Wordless Wednesday is hosted here every wednesday, of course !

~ Almost Wordless Wednesday

( Click on photo to enlarge )

For more W.W. entries....click here !

This says it all........

My e-mail friend, " The Camera Totin' Idiot " had a great post on Tuesday...check it out.
 http://cameratotinidiot.blogspot.com/

~ Odds and ends ~

Test for Mental Acuity

It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and this should help get you started.

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized. "Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub." "Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup. "No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug.

Do you want a bed near the window?"
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~ Wordless wednesday ~

for more Wordless Wednesday.....click here!

~ The best ever ~

The other day, Jack came home and said “I have a project for you”. That sentence always makes me nervous. Then he went on to say “ Today, I had the best cake I ever tasted ”.

Not a good thing to tell your wife if she hasn’t baked since Christmas. Then he handed me a packet of Amish Friendship bread batter. OH NO …..not the dreaded Amish Friendship cake…it’s right up there with chain letters and those annoying e-mails that tell you to forward to at least 10 people or you’ll have bad luck. All the days of smushing the bag, then adding ingredients, more smushing, letting the air out, adding, dividing….

But I agreed to do it, after all...
“ This was the best cake he had ever tasted ”.

On day ten, after more adding and then baking, I tasted the cake.
And I have to admit, it was pretty good.

So if a friend hands you a starter packet for Amish Friendship cake just give it a try. Who knows..... it might be the best cake you ever tasted .

~ Wordless Wednesday ~

For more W.W. fun.....click here!

~ On the lighter side...~

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The Old Couple at McDonald's

The little old couple walked slowly into McDonald's that cold winter evening. They looked out of place amid the young families and young couples eating there that night. Some of the customers looked admiringly at them.
You could tell what the admirers were thinking: "Look, there is a couple who has been through a lot together, probably for 60 years or more!"

The little old man walked right up to the cash register, placed his order with no hesitation and then paid for their meal. The couple took a table near the back wall and started taking food off of the tray. There was one hamburger, one order of french fries and one drink.
The little old man unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half. He placed one half in front of his wife. Then he carefully counted out the french fries, divided them in two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife. He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them.

As the man began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the crowd began to get restless. Again you could tell what they were thinking: "That poor old couple. All they can afford is one meal for the two of them." As the man began to eat his french fries one young man stood and came over to the old couple's table. He politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple to eat. The old man replied that they were just fine. They were used to sharing everything.

Then the crowd noticed that the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She just sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink. Again the young man came over and begged them to let him buy them something to eat. The man again explained that no, they were used to sharing everything together.

As the little old man finished eating and was wiping his face neatly with a napkin, the young man could stand it no longer. Again he came over to their table and offered to buy some food. After being politely refused again, he finally asked a question of the little old lady: "Ma'am, why aren't you eating? You said that you share everything. What is it that you are waiting for?"

She answered, "The teeth."

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Hope you have a blessed Sunday !....Suzy

" On the lighter side...."

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. The next week, the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight to Chicago. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (AND LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM."
The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and that he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't awoke him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
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Salada teabag tags:
" If you're losing an argument with your spouse, try a kiss "

" Many a flare-up between man and wife is touched off by an old flame "

Have a good day!

" On the lighter side...."

Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and
working in the family business. When he found out he was
going to inherit a fortune when his father died, he decided he
needed a wife with which to share his fortune.

One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the
most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
Her natural beauty took his breath away. 'I may look
like just an ordinary man,' he said to her, but in just a
few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit £20 million.'

Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three
days later, she became his stepmother.

Women are so much better at financial planning than men.

~A Day After Thanksgiving Poem~

When I was a young turkey, new to the coop,
My big brother Mike took me out on the stoop,
Then he sat me down, and he spoke real slow,
And he told me there was something that I had to know;
His look and his tone I will always remember,
When he told me of the horrors of..... Black November;
"Come about August, now listen to me,
Each day you'll get six meals instead of just three.
"And soon you'll be thick, where once you were thin,
and you'll grow a big rubbery thing under your chin;
"And then one morning, when you're warm in your bed,
In'll burst the farmer's wife, and hack off your head;
"Then she'll pluck out all your feathers so you're bald 'n pink,
And scoop out all your insides and leave ya lyin' in the sink;
"And then comes the worst part" he said not bluffing,
"She'll spread your cheeks and pack your rear with stuffing."
Well, the rest of his words were too grim to repeat,
I sat on the stoop like a winged piece of meat,
And decided on the spot that to avoid being cooked,
I'd have to lay low and remain overlooked;
I began a new diet of nuts and granola,
High-roughage salads, juice and diet cola;
And as they ate pastries, chocolates and crepes,
I stayed in my room doing Jane Fonda tapes;
I maintained my weight of two pounds and a half,
And tried not to notice when the bigger birds laughed;
But 'twas I who was laughing, under my breath,
As they chomped and they chewed, ever closer to death;
And sure enough when Black November rolled around,
I was the last turkey left in the entire compound;
So now I'm a pet in the farmer's wife's lap;
I haven't a worry, so I eat and I nap;
She held me today, while sewing and humming,
And smiled at me and said "Christmas is coming..."

On the lighter side.......

Things you DON'T want to hear at a tattoo parlour....

- "Eagle? I thought you said BEAGLE."

- "We're all out of red, so I used pink."

- "Anything else you want to say? You've got
plenty of room back here."

- "Mother" does have two T's in it, doesn't it?"

- "I bet you can't tell I've never done this before."

- "You know, hardly anyone gets blood poisoning
from these."

- "The flag's all done and, you know, the folds of fat
make a nice waving effect."

- "Ooooooops!"

Have a good week!

~ Trick or Treat ???

Q: What does a vampire fear most?
A: Tooth decay.

Q: How do you make a milkshake?
A: You sneak up behind a glass of milk and yell "Boo!"

Q: Why wasn't there any food left after the monster party?
A: Because everyone was a goblin!

Have a happy Halloween!!!!!
Suzy

~ Wordless Wednesday ....

For more Wordless Wednesday....click here!